


Torn

by eversinceniall



Series: Faded and Gone [2]
Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Cheating, Crying, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, Infidelity, Kissing, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Regret, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 17:00:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10858260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversinceniall/pseuds/eversinceniall
Summary: One year after breaking up with his boyfriend, Vic Fuentes runs into him again. With a whole lot of regret, Vic tries to fix things.





	Torn

**Vic**

 

"Baby, it's time to wake up," Jaime said. He shook my shoulder gently, bringing me to conciousness.

I opened my eyes, coming face to face with my boyfriend of three years now. In fact, today was our three year anniversary.

"Hey." He murmured when he saw that I was awake. He leaned forward to press his lips to my cheek.

"Hey. I should go get ready." I said and  maneuvered in time to dodge his attempted kiss.

I could feel him frowning at the back of my head as I walked away, but I pretended I didn't.

I closed the bathroom door behind me and locked it because I really needed the privacy right now.

After shedding all my clothes I proceeded to hop in the shower. As the warm water caressed my body, I sighed in content, and allowed my mind to wander.

I thought about Jaime, and where I should take him for our anniversary tonight.

Last year had marked our two years of being together, and it had turned out terrible. So tonight was the first time we would be celebrating one of our anniversaries together for real, and I hadn't planned anything.

I was an awful boyfriend. It wasn't like me to not plan things, but I hadn't been myself these past few days. Hell, these past few months.

My mind was all scrambled up, and I felt more confused than ever. Jaime was a great guy, and our relationship should have been going strong, but I wasn't as happy as I had been those first few months after I broke it off with Kellin.

The first month and a half after Kellin caught Jaime and I making out, I'd been a miserable, mopey mess. I felt awful for what I had done to him, and all that shame overshadowed the happiness I should have felt at finally being able to be with Jaime.

And then when that shame and self hatred dissipated, I was happy, for a few months. But it didn't last long.

It wasn't Jaime's fault. I started distancing myself from him, pulling away, and I knew he could tell. It was all my fault that there was such an uncomfortable tension hanging in the air between us.

Jaime was the perfect boyfriend. He bought me roses for no reason, and took me out to fancy restaurants, and we had fun together.

He loved me, and I loved him... or at least I used to think I did. I wasn't sure of anything anymore, except for one thing; he wasn't Kellin.

That said a lot about me, didn't it? I had Kellin, and I took him for granted.  And now that I had the boy I thought I wanted, I wanted Kellin.

God, you are a mess, I told myself as I massaged shampoo into my hair.

I was an absolute wreck, and I hated myself for it. I hated what my life had become, and more than anything I wanted to go back, and fix my mistakes.

And Jaime was one of them.

As if on cue, there was a knock on the bathroom door, and Jaime's voice carried over from the other side. "Vic, are you okay? You've been in there a long time."

"I'm fine." I called out.

I finished washing the remainders of conditioner out of my hair, and wrapped a towel around my waist.

I hadn't realized just how long I'd been in there, but my fingers and toes were wrinkled and pruney.

As I put on clean clothes, I dreaded the thought of having to go back to my room, but I knew it was inevitable. I couldn't hide away in the bathroom forever.

Even if I wanted to.

>>>>

Jaime and I ended up going out for ice cream as a prelude to our big date tonight that I had spontaneously thought up.

There was a little ice cream shop not too far from my apartment that was well known by the locals, which was where we decided to go. It was the best ice cream I'd ever tasted, that was for sure.

Kellin used to love this place.

As soon as the thought popped into my head, I wanted to slap myself back to sanity. Why couldn't I stop thinking about him?

It wasn't like he'd been completely cut out of my life when we'd broken up. In fact, I caught glimpses of him often in the halls.

Jaime, Kellin, and myself ended up going to the nearest community college because we were too poor to go anywhere else, and not special enough to qualify for a scholarship.

I used to think I was lucky enough to be attending a school with a lot of students, otherwise I might run into Kellin more often. But now I was almost yearning for it. I wanted to see him.

And even when I was supposed to be on a date with my boyfriend, I couldn't help but to think of him, and how much he loved this particular ice cream shop. He would always get mint chocolate chip with sprinkles on the top.

"What kind do you want?" Jaime asked, turning to look at me.

"Um, chocolate." I said.

I was a simple man.

I looked around the shop. There was a whole 80's vibe going on. In the corner of the room right next to a window was the unoccupied booth that, over the years, Kellin and I had claimed as our own.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair in frustration. I willed myself to stop thinking of him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a familiar petite figure heading into the bathroom. No, that couldn't be right.

My mind must be playing tricks on me, because the possibility of Kellin being here at the same time as Jaime and I was ridiculous. Still, I had to be sure.

"Jaime," I said. "I'll be right back. I've gotta use the bathroom. You can pick a seat for us."

"Okay," Jaime said, casting me a smile.

I forced a smile in return and made my way to the men's bathroom. By the time I was standing in the doorway of the fluorescent lit room, Kellin was at the sink, washing his hands.

Oxygen seemed to fail me. It had been so long since I'd seen him up close like this, and I'd forgotten just how beautiful he was.

He finished washing his hands, turned the faucet off, and looked up. Our eyes met and Kellin's face went pale.

"Vic," he whispered, like he couldn't believe his eyes.

"Kellin," I said, taking a step forward without realizing it. "How are you?"

His eyes flashed. "Don't act like you care." He spat. "I'm not about to stand here and make small talk with you."

"Kell," I said softly. "I'm sorry. I've missed you."

Kellin scoffed. "Missed me? Save your bullshit. Why should I believe a word that comes out of your mouth? You're a liar, and a cheater, and I wish I never met you."

I flinched at his harsh words. I knew I deserved every single one of them, but it didn't mean it hurt any less.

"Text me." I said, knowing I had to get back to Jaime or else he would come check on me. "Call me. Anything. I need to talk to you."

Kellin's face was one of absolute disbelief. I knew what he must be thinking. Who was I to think I had the right to worm my way back into his life and demand things?

"Fuck you." He said, and the hatred in his eyes was startling. He pushed past me, knocking his shoulder against mine in a hard jab, and exited.

I leaned against the wall beside the door, in shock. Even though he had been standing in front of me only moments before, I still couldn't believe I had seen Kellin.

The look of disgust in his eyes when he saw me flashed through my mind on repeat. He hated me, that much was clear. And I knew he was rightful in that hatred, but I wished he wasn't.

I wished I could fix things between us.

>>>>

I knew the chances of Kellin texting me were slim - after all I didn't even know if he still had my number - but for the next few days I held onto the hope that he would.

On the third night, he did. Jaime was laying on the bed beside me snoring, and I was idly scrolling through Instagram when I got the alert that I had a new text from Kellin Quinn.

My heart soared, and crashed, and soared again.

I opened the text with shaky fingers only to find four words, along with an address.

Let's talk. Come over.

I jumped out of bed, forgetting for a moment that Jaime was asleep next to me. Luckily, he was a deep sleeper and even if I were to punch him in the face,   
he would remain unconscious.

I threw on a pair of wrinkled jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt before heading to Kellin's place as fast as I could.

It was late, and I didn't know why he had texted me so late, but I wasn't complaining. I didn't care if it was three am, I would meet him anywhere, at any given time.

I found his apartment building and knocked on the door labeled with the number 9.

There was a minute's wait before Kellin opened the door. He was wearing a pair of boxers and an old band tee that I bought him for his fifteenth birthday.

"Hey," I said.

He opened the door wider, and I stepped inside. It was a small apartment, but I wasn't judging.

The only reason I had a bigger apartment was because I was living with Jaime.

Kellin shut the front door and turned to face me, his arms crossed over his chest. "You said we needed to talk. So tell me. What do we need to talk about?"

"Us." I said, and I didn't know if he'd like it if I sat down, so I stood a few feet away from him instead.

"Really? Last I checked there was no 'us.'" He said sassily.

"Kellin, don't be like that. I'm serious. I meant it when I said I miss you."

Kellin laughed, and the sound was so bitter it seemed to cut through me like a knife. "I heard you the first time. But I don't miss you."

"Yes, you do." I said confidently.

I could see through the strong facade he was putting on. He was trying to act tough and unbothered in front of me, but I knew on the inside he was falling apart.

When you date someone for four years, you learn every part of them, inside and out.

"Cut the bullshit." Kellin said. "What did you want to say to me in that bathroom?"

"I can't stop thinking about you," I admitted, pushing off the wall to get closer to Kellin.

Kellin's carefree attitude faltered, and he attempted to step away from me only to realize he was already backed up against the door. "Wait... what?"

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for months. And then we ran into each other a couple of days ago, and it can't be just a coincidence that it was our anniversary." I tilted his chin up to make him look at me.

"It was your and Jaime's anniversary, too." He said quietly, his eyes meeting mine. "Tell me, are you still together?"

I couldn't lie.

"Yes."

Kellin pushed me away. "That's what I thought."

"I'll break up with him." I said. "I'll end things tomorrow morning if that's what you want."

"What I want?" He asked. "The real question here is: what do you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? I mean, what do you fucking want from me? I gave you everything I had. My first kiss, my first time, everything. I gave you every part of me. So what else can you possibly want?"

What did I want? When I ran into Kellin three days prior, I had been overwhelmed with a variety of emotions I hadn't been expecting to feel. All I knew then was that I wanted to talk to him, needed to talk to him.

So when he invited me here tonight, I'd jumped at the chance to see him. But standing here, and looking at him, his black hair tangled from sleep, his blue eyes sharp with anger, and his cheeks red with frustration, I knew what I wanted.

I wanted him. Really, he was all I had ever wanted. I'd been in denial the past few months, but it was clear now. I had made a mistake leaving him.

"All I want is you." I said.

His eyes widened, and once again I got to see that vulnerable side of him, the side that was affected by my words.

But that moment was brief and then his eyes were ablaze with more anger.

"Seems like you always want what you can't have." He said.

"And I can't have you?" I asked, holding my breath.

It was obvious why I kept thinking about Kellin even after all these months. I still loved him. I never stopped loving him.

I was stupid before, and I thought Jaime was what I wanted, but I was wrong. I was so so wrong. Jaime was such a nice guy, and a part of me did love him, but Kellin was the one for me. I realized that now.

Kellin shook his head. "You had me and you threw me away. You stole my best friend and left me with nothing. I will never be yours again. I think you should leave." He reached for the doorknob.

"Wait," I said, and I was desperate now.

Kellin had every right to be mad and to want nothing to do with me, but I couldn't let things end like this.

"I'll leave if you tell me you don't still love me."

Kellin stopped, shocked. He turned to look at me once more. "Vic, don't." His voice trembled.

"Say it," I urged. "Say you don't and I'll leave right now. I promise."

I watched as Kellin stood there, not saying a word. And then tears spilled down his cheeks, and he let out a broken sob.

"I don't want to be in love with you anymore," he cried, gripping strands of his hair angrily.

The 'but I am' was left unsaid, but I knew anyway.

I closed the space between us and took his hands in mine to stop him from tearing his hair out.

"I'm sorry." I said, because this was all my fault. I broke his heart, and now I couldn't fix it.

"I know," He said through the tears and sobs. He threw his arms around my neck, and I was so surprised I nearly forget to hug him back.

He was so hot and cold that I was at a loss. One second he hated me, and the next he was hugging me. But I didn't care. I was content to hold him. I had missed the feeling of his soft body in my arms. I just missed him.

Kellin pulled back a little, but still stayed in my arms. "This is the end."

I didn't know what he was talking about, but I went along with it anyway. "Is it?"

"It has to be," he whispered, his blue green eyes filled with sorrow. "This is closure, that's all. Nothing more."

And then he kissed me.

I was taken aback, but as soon as I registered what was happening I kissed him back.

His lips were soft and familiar, and he tasted like nicotine. When did you start smoking? I wanted to ask.

He let out a sound that I thought was a moan but later realized was a whimper. He was crying again.

"What's wrong?" I asked, brushing his hair out of his face.

"I'm still so in love with you, and I'm telling myself this is just for closure, but I don't think I'll ever have closure with you," Kellin said, his eyes red and glassy.

"Maybe we don't need closure." I said softly. "I love you, Kellin."

He shook his head, and tugged himself out of my grasp. "No, no. That's not what this is. We aren't getting back together. We can't."

"Why not?" I asked, hating how whiny and needy I sounded.

"Because you ruined me. You destroyed my trust, and stomped all over my love. And I won't let you do that again. Even if it means I never love someone the way I love you."

"Can you really just walk away from us? Just like that?" I asked, reaching for his hand.

He tore his hand away from mine. "You did."

"And I regret it everyday."

"I love you, Vic." Kellin said, his features softening. "But sometimes the one you love most isn't always the one you spend your life with."

He paused, looking down at the ground, and then continued. "And in a way, this is my revenge. How does it feel to have the person you love leave you, reject you? I know how it feels, and now, you do too. Hurts, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," I said, my throat tight. "It hurts, alright."

Kellin smiled sadly. "I think you should go, Vic."

I nodded, "Me too."

Feeling like I might cry, I walked around him, and gripped the cold doorknob in my hand. I knew I would never step foot in this apartment again, and that thought killed me.

I turned the knob, and walked out the door. Once I got in my car, I finally let myself cry. I rested my head against the steering wheel, and cried until my throat hurt and I could barely see.

I had fucked everything up.

I fumbled for my wallet, which was in the front pocket of my jeans, and flipped the leather case open.

There was the picture. A little over a year ago, Kellin had torn the photo of us at the carnival into pieces. I'd been able to tape the pieces back together, and kept the picture in my wallet, always with me.

With numb fingers I gripped the picture tightly, and tore it down the middle. I tore and tore until there were only little fragments left.

I wouldn't be able to fix it this time, just like I couldn't fix what I had done.

When I was satisfied, I rolled the window down and threw the remainders of the photo out.

If we were done, then we were done.

I drove home recklessly, still crying. I had hurt Kellin so bad and now he hurt me. It was only fair.

But God, in that moment, I hated myself more than ever before. I'd been such a fool to leave Kellin for Jaime.

Jaime could never compete with Kellin, and I wondered why I hadn't seen that sooner.

Kellin was one of a kind. He was the love of my life, and no one would ever compare to him.

But I realized that too late.


End file.
